Post-it Things We forget #HAWMC

For this I couldn't draw the world however when a person is depressed they forget that they need to be in the world around them and not against it. I would post it on every wall of my home and around the town. I hope that when I do get in to a depressive cycle that this post-it reminds me that I am needed in a larger sense then just in my little world.

Madlib #HAWMC - old-fashioned children's old-fashioned children

old-fashioned children's old-fashioned children

I zoom my hopes and all the pills knits book; 
I jog my dresss and all is bang again. 
(I march I call you up inside my daughter.) 

The afterthoughts go working out in helpful and mysterious, 
And bumpy cave obeys in: 
I end my doctor and all the jar vanishs mask. 

I allowed that you itched me into heart 
And promise me long, imagineed me quite wet. 
(I march I call you up inside my daughter.) 

stream kicks from the squirrel, bacon's soaps bake: 
hug pen and computer's mother: 
I end my doctor and all the jar vanishs mask. 

I yelled you'd gather the way you drop, 
But I escape substantial and I chase your rabbit. 
(I march I call you up inside my daughter.) 

I should have untieed a holiday instead; 
At least when hydrant opens they close back again. 
I end my doctor and all the jar vanishs mask. 

(I march I call you up inside my daughter.) 

- Amanda & Sylvia Plath

Depression Wiped Out by Nanobot Technology #HAWMC

Nanobot Technology wipes out Depression of All Kind!

April 20, 2035 - The New England Journal of Medicine will report that a sister team of Nero-scientists, Doctor Arabella Hunterson Ph.D. and Doctor Grace Hunterson Ph. D. have found that injecting nanobots into the body on a cellular level that are genetically guided to the DNA of the subject can successively switch off the coding for the depression, no matter how mild.

"Since the Human Genome project was concluded in 2020 it showed us that everything can be turned on and off with the proper coding. Our question was how to get the coding to the DNA structure with out harming the patient was a large concern for us. Our mother gave us the idea about the nanobots back when we were little," Reflects Dr. A. Hunterson, "She told us that a great way of looking at things was to go small like nanobots so we can see the big picture."

"The general question of this would be if the patient would have to be injected pre-conception in the mother and the father or post birth to get the maximum effect. Our research time and effort shows that the subject can be injected with the Depressive Bots at any stage in life, however to gain the maximum effect, the research shows that if injected with the Bots with in the first ten weeks of life, the subject has the best results and will be considered success in later life" Dr. G. Hunterson interjected, "Though more long term studies have to be conducted on the subjects and regular check-ups still have to be done, we are hopeful that in a few years the FDA will grant us clearance to make this a routine vaccination to all newborns just like the DTAP was when it was given to us."

The small test sample, the team reports, have been doing very well with no relapse.They have also stated that they themselves have tested the nanobots on a family member with success. And stated that the family member was the first in line after the FDA gave them the first clearance to do human studies back in 2030. They say that more details will be given in the NEJM when their paper is published in the September issue and will have further news conferences in their receptive fields as the months progress and they get further clearance from the FDA. They also have noted that these particular nano bots have only the power to change one link in the DNA structure, though they hope with time and further study that they can help aide the coding structures to turn off more defects, however they state that the bots will not be programmed to turn your eyes blue or hair blond. Its purely medical as of this moment in time.

You are invited to dinner with my friends. #HAWMC

Who would I invite to dinner if I had a dinner party for 5 people (both past and present)? 

The first would be Mark Twain. I would like to hear his view point on how the world is today. To hear his stories about the times he lived and maybe the people.

Sigmund Freud is the next person I'd like to invite because I would like his option on the world of psychotherapy in the next century. I would love to interact with the other people in the group and see what he thinks of the group.

Scarlett O'Hara. Ok I know what you think. Its a character from a book that was turned into a movie. But she was an influential person in my life. She was strong when she need to be and I think was a little bi-polar, and had postpartum issues. After all she had 5 kids (read the book).

The next two people are my husbands choice. You may know their work over their names. They brought you alternate current and direct current, they brought you ways to see at night. 

That's right if you guessed Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla, you win... umm... a pat on the back. He just wants to see them argue about who stole who's patents. I would have them sit with Freud for a while so that they could talk it out and see what really went on and if they had parent issues. 

Why Not? #hawmc

Have you read this book? Neither did I until my daughter got this for her second birthday. Its about a Naked Mole Rat that likes to wear clothes when the status quo of Mole Rats is to remain Naked.

The main character Wilbur says "Why Not?" to the argument of the three other characters stating Naked Mole Rats Don't Wear Clothes.

When people tell me to feel something other than what I am feeling I ask "Why Not?" Why not feel sad? Its a valid emotion, everyone feels it at one point in their lives. I've realized you can't force it down into the pit of an empty void in the soles of your feet, or in the small of your back, what does that get you, a ticket to see a specialist and a pill bottle full of pain killers. Never addressing the real problems of life. It does hurt to a degree but why not feel emotion? Its fully in a person's right to feel happy but not sad? I know in the Declaration of Independence that there is the pursuit of happiness, but what if some one's happiness at a point in life is to be sad? To feel the pains and hurt. Some authors actually wrote their best work while depressed. Would you have told Kurt Vonnegut, hey  I think you are too sad; take these pills and your troubles would go away. With pills I meant Lithium and other anti-depressants. I don't think the books he was famous for would have been written. Maybe they would, but wouldn't be as popular if they were happy and joyful would they? Why Not? Because when some one feels raw emotion, it comes out in their writings.

Why Not?

NO! #hawmc

NO. Such an easy word to say? My toddler says it all the time. Maybe I did too when I was a kid. As a teenager I didn't know boundaries, I knew right from wrong, what inappropriate things were on the list of NO-NO's for myself. However my thoughts were screwed up when it came to my friends.

See I had a car, they didn't. I had to go to places, they didn't. So to keep them being friends with me I drove them to their homes almost every day. Thankfully they lived in the same area, but most lived in the Hills, and driving a manual 1963 VW bug, yeah there were some stalls. I paid for gas myself, mostly out of a summer job and occasionally though my allowance during the school year. I don't remember it being $1.36 a gallon, at some independent stores had Fridays were it was .99 Cents. By the way this was in 1997.

The massive crowd of people would gather around my car on Wednesday's would appear right after the ending bell at 2:35 pm. We got out early, however the AC Transit buses, that took majority of the students home didn't show up on school grounds until 3 pm, if the buses were early it was 2:55 pm, so if you had a car you were obviously popular with the bus crowd. 

During that same year I was going to therapy more and more on a weekly basis because of the teenage hormones, troubles with my mother, my childhood, my diagnosis of Bi-polarity Mania, also every so often they drew blood to see how my body was tolerating the harsh drugs and to see if I need more of one verses the other.

I scheduled most of the therapy sessions on Wednesday's because I could get there by 3 pm and still be home in time to do my homework. That conflicted with the other priority, driving people home. Most sessions I made it there on time, ok maybe 1-2 minutes late but nothing big. Then there were days were I was late 10 minutes and that cut into my time. The therapist told me when that happened I would only get the remaining minutes of the session, nothing more. I thought that was unfair. I was the one paying for the gas to get there, the time I could have been doing some home work or just hanging out at the park.

I gave her my reasons and she thought my "friends" were only using me for my car and that I should start saying No to them on the Wednesday's I had therapy. She also suggested that I shouldn't give lifts to people who just show up at my car, set a time they need to come to me by lunch and ask if they could get a ride after school and also if the rode in the car to pitch in a little gas money.

I was scared that once I said anything to those people I would be less popular in no time and go back having no friends. I agonized over this for a few days.

So Monday afternoon came and so did the people who wanted to go home with out taking a bus to my car. I decided I would make up something that I had to go to so they wouldn't come along. But they got into my car anyway. I told them I wasn't going to my house and that they would need to leave my car. They still sat there waiting for me to start the car. 

I said that whom ever rides in this car from that day forward must pay me 1-2 dollars a day for the extra side trips. Still they sat in my car. I also said that from that day forward they must come to me before 4th period and ask if it was ok to catch a ride with me at least a day in advance.

Most grumbled about the money bit, poor little rich kids, but some reached into their pockets and gave me a few dollars for the gas. I was surprised at the revelation. I took them off the school grounds, because I had really nothing to do besides homework at home to do.

A few days went by and most, but not all still showed up at my car with cash for gas and then I drove them home. A Tuesday morning, my friend Ant, came by and asked if he could get a ride the next day. It was the day of my therapy. I asked where he needed to be dropped off and he said some place other than where I was headed. I told him that I couldn't take him because I needed to be some place at 3 and he nodded and went away.

I felt empowered over hearing myself say No. Rejecting some one and feeling proud and happy that I actually did it. I held my breath the next day to see if he would talk to me at lunch. He did for a minute or two and then he left. The next day was Friday and I went to him and asked him if he needed a ride down to at least where the buses ran more frequently to his home and he said sure.

Most of the other people went with other friends that had cars because they could show up and not be pressed for gas money or a days notice for a ride down to their homes. Yes, I my fear was made true, I did have less friends because I didn't give them free rides anymore, but I learned to say "No" and my friend Ant is still my friend to this very day.

Pinning #HAWMC

Here are my Three "Pins":

I didn't pin anything dark or depressing, nor pills or pill bottles because that is what every one expects some one to pin about depression. I chose to do the positive words for a messed up mind.

The first one is the girl that says "My beauty comes from having my own style, living my own way and knowing my own mind." For a long time I had a negative self image. Most of my childhood was spent being looked down and tormented, being bullied because I was the easy mark. My clothes and my childhood home made me that way. The depression that I didn't know existed at the time, led me at seven years old telling a roommate my mother had that I wanted to kill myself. I am here so I didn't follow through. I don't think my "AH-HAH" moment came until I was looking at my eldest daughter and I had to break the cycle and say that I am different and I am beautiful. Like they say in recovery, if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the person you love first and then it will be second nature for you to do it for yourself.

The Second one I pinned states, "Nothing is impossible, the word it self says I'M POSSIBLE!" and that is by Audrey Hepburn. When you are in a cycle of depression and self flagellation, you think everything is impossible. Impossible to wake up for work, impossible to feed yourself, impossible to go forward with things that make you happy in your old life. Trust me, when you are depressed, you look back on the happy weeks as a different time span, almost like a parallel universe to where you don't understand what's going on. Almost a Ms. Jeckle, Depressed Hyde personality. I feel I border on M.P.D. Multiple Personality Disorder because I sometimes don't remember what ever happened the day before as if it was some one else's life.

The last is a picture of a bright sunny day and a few flowers reaching to that sun for energy and warmth. I feel like that when I come out of a cycle of depression or just got on to medication that I can feel lifting me out of that funk. Like smiling for no reason or knowing my head isn't weighted down by a funk, is a great clear moment.

I am a bit tired now. If you want to follow me for other reasons on Pintrest or need an Invite please  (I heart technology now a days!)