Today the assignment was to create a "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster about the health issue I am blogging about. I couldn't think of one for me as a Bi-Polar person, so I made the poster on the left hand side.
I thought about the countless pills one has to take for Bi-polar Mania and other diagnoses of depression. How the Medical Community feels like the pills and talking for us about the past for an hour every week, two weeks or a month are enough to become "normal" and "well adjusted" in society. To me its not good enough.
I feel sometimes that when I walk into my provider's practice, they care more about the time frame that you spend in their office chair than you the person. The random nice questions go in one ear and out the other, the bottom line is what they care about.
"Do you have enough pill to last until the next time I see you in a month?" "Do you feel any of the side effects of that pill(s)?" "Do you feel like you should be on Brand X when Brand Y is better?"
I feel like they are saying to me "Take the Pills and Just be Happy" that you are not in some third world where I would be dead by now. I know over the top drama, but in a way I can hear that in their tone of voice when they are saying "Times up, see you in 4 weeks!".
I knew the pills were working. My step dad commented on how numb to the world I became once I started to take the pills on a full time basis. He said he liked the vibrant person, the one laughing, making jokes, painting expressively (when I did paint). Now I was an observer, the person sitting in the back of the room at a party. Almost dead to the world.
Maybe it did make me numb, maybe I am a quiet person at heart and with the medication I am my true self. Because of the lack of medication my real self got scattered in the noise and caused an alternate universe, an alternate me.
Tuesday I wasn't feeling like I could go back to work. I went to work on my start date because I thought I was ready. I was not. This is how the conversation went: M = myself; H = Hubby
M: I don't feel I can go back to work
H: Are you sure?
M: Yes, I think my back problems are an issue, but not the whole deal
H: They (doctors) say sometimes you can have physical problems like your back hurting can be a symptom of depression.
M: Yea, true. I need to call my MD about it see what he says.
H: If you need more time, that's okay with me. At least you didn't pretend to go to work and wait for me and our kids to leave before coming back home. That is something I would have done.
M: I thought about it. However you would have suspected something with out Grace here.
H: Yep. Call the MD when they open and see what he says. You are doing the right thing and talking with me about this issue. I respect that more than if you didn't say anything. I love you.
In my last post Woman VS Sewing Machine, I stated in no uncertain terms that my husband's sewing machine hated me. I still think its true, however, it did allow me to make this bellow all by myself:
Bella being a model
I got the material in 2010 thinking that I would make a nice summer dress for Bella. It has the stretchy top all ready built in so easy project right? Two years later it was still sitting in the undone project pile of material. I decided to make something. I thought what would be better than the dress for Bella. After a few rounds I actually completed a whole project by myself!
Back
Patch I had to make because I ripped a little of the material
What do you think of it? Do you have any tips for me to help line the straps better?
Today is a free day of writing. It is also 3 days before my mother's birthday. It is also the fifth year anniversary of her death. The causes were natural, no autopsy preformed due to the fact that she was badly decomposed. You see, she died alone. No one really knows what day she died. No one knows what time. The Oakland police were called because she had not come out of her house in days, there was a smell of death in the air around my childhood home.
I didn't know she passed until my step dad called and said to call a phone number. The morgue picked up on the other end of the line.
"Hello, Oakland Police Department - Coroner's office, how may I help you?"
"Um, my name is Amanda P. I was told to call about my mother Lynn..."
"I am sorry to have to tell you this, we found her body in her home. She had been dead a while. We'd like you to come in to claim a few things that we took to identify the body. When can you come in?"
"Umm, tomorrow, I guess.. right now I'm at work. What time do you open?"
I tell my boyfriend, I tell my step dad. They both go in with me to the Coroner's office.
The officer in charge explains to me what happened. They hand me a manila envelope with my mother's ID card, a couple of credit cards, the travel carrier that she called a purse. They tell me that they are going to send me a check in the mail for the money that was found in the purse. $25 dollars and some change, they account off of a few things from the day they found her body.
I am numb to the world. I find out I have only weeks to clear out what I want to take from my childhood home, leaving books, furniture, an early 1900 Singer Sewing Machine. The kind that was foot powered. The house being foreclosed on May 1, 2007.
The nights painful to sleep, raw with emotion, terrified to close my eyes because I still saw my childhood home. The hallway to her room. I reach for the door. I open it and that is when I wake up screaming. My boyfriend tries to comfort me. I sob uncontrollably. The same month my step Grandmother dies.
Three more deaths during the year make me dread the ringing of my telephone in the middle of the night. I am very aware of my Grandfather's mortality, of my step dad's mortality, of mine. I quit my job. I lose 20 pounds. I become a shut in. Depression takes hold and I force myself to get help after 3 months of not seeing anyone except my boyfriend and my father.
In October I fly back to Minnesota. I told myself, if my grandfather asks I'd move there to take care of him. He was the only family I had left. He told me to go back to California, live my life. Be happy.
He passed away in 2010. Now I feel alone in the world, even when I have two daughters, a husband and a few friends that I haven't yet met in real life.
Tears flow even now remembering the year 2007. The year of death.
How many times have you told your little one to "Eat your veggies or no treat after dinner"?
I have told that to Bella that many times about one vegetable in particular. Bell Peppers. Yes, Bell Peppers.
She's a good kid when it comes to other vegetables, broccoli, coli-flower, peas and carrots, along with her fruits, blueberries, banana's and oranges. Now you think I'm bragging.
You are probably thinking, 'She doesn't like one vegetable when my kids don't even like any of the ones you've stated above!' I would say that I am proud that my child loves to eat the fruits and veggies, however its a pain when I have to pick out the Bell Peppers because she doesn't like them in a dish of food or not make stuffed Bell Peppers because she refuses to eat everything because of the texture of the vegetable.
When I saw Copy-Kids, a DVD where kids are eating foods like Bell Peppers, Avocado, Apples, Oranges, Raspberries, Broccoli and other yummy foods, I thought it was a good chance to see if Bella would actually try eating Bell Peppers, I didn't expect her to love the vegetable right away, but give it a chance, because I know kids copying kids works.
How? Well, Bella went to a friends birthday party and there were Grapes on the table. Bella loves to eat them, her friend, the birthday girl did not. Her mother remarked for the last few months all she could get her to eat was bread and cheese. Well, Bella went up to the table and started to munch on the Grapes, so much so me and my husband were telling her to slow down and leave some for other people. When the birthday girl saw Bella eating them, she ran up to the table and started to munch on them herself. Her mother was over joyed at the sight and told us that we were welcome to come over and try this with different foods as well.
Copy-Kids are for kids 6 months to 5 years old (however an adult can learn from these kids as well). They feature kids around the same age range and they are super cute! Bella could relate to them as they looked like kids that went to her pre-school. The DVD is USDA approved and added to their Education and Training Materials Database for Pre-School Nutrition (link). The DVD won two children's excellence awards: Dr Toy Best of 2011 and Mother Approved Child Tested (MACT) of 2011.
The DVD total length is 115 minutes and the segments are about 8 minutes each of the foods (12 foods the 6 I mentioned above along with Carrots, Cucumbers, Blueberries, Strawberries and Tomatoes). In the DVD Extras there are out takes of the little ones being themselves and a message from Dr Jay Gordon, with tips on how to establish good eating habits with your little one in mind. I would HIGHLY suggest having the food available to try when seeing the DVD because once they start watching it they would like to do what they see and to be there to enjoy the food with them. Since Bella was having trouble with Bell Peppers I played that segment a lot more than the other segments because that was the vegetable that is the hardest one to have her eat.
How did the DVD work for Bella? See the video below to find out.
Now with a few more tries I think Bella will enjoy Bell Peppers!
Would you like a chance to win a DVD copy? Enter below and good luck!
*Note* I was not paid to do this review and was only given the DVD ($19.95 value) to do this review. My daughter was not forced to eat or say anything she didn't want to do. All Thoughts and videos were completed by myself.
