Depression Tsunami #HAWMC

 All rights reserved by Michio Endo 

I don't know how to find a picture of depression. I didn't want to go the stereo typical black and white picture with a person's face on it. I thought that I had plenty of them in my own library of me staring at the camera blankly, no feeling while taking the picture. This picture is on or after the Japanese Tsunami that hit the country on March 11, 2011.

The picture of the tattered Violin (or Viola) represents the physical form of how one feels when they are in the mist of an episode. The tsunami of emotions shatters the mind into little fragments, making it hard to become whole again. The once beautiful gloss of the wood, the sound of pure joy it once held, now gone to another world. The feeling of isolation of the Violin is the same feeling one has towards people whom say that they are your friends and when you need them because of the depression, they aren't there. Gone to a different place, a different world even a different time. The longing of wanting to be back to the original before the perfect storm threw you into that storm is there. The feeling like you should know how to deal with it again and again as wave after wave keeps hitting you. Self doubt creeps in. Depression takes hold and a few hours, days, even months take hold and then you realize you are a tattered form of yourself washed up miles away from who you once were.

I write about my health issue because... #HAWMC

No one else will.

I think every one has a different story with depression, but it needs to be told. It needs to be in the minds of the people that think its made up like a monster in some child's closet. To end the tears of sorrow as another "friend" leaves because they don't understand what is going on. The distance co-workers give you as you walk down the hall one day in a joyful mood and the next in a hazy fog-like daze feeling like no one cares. You think maybe they do, however hurtful their words were, ending their friendships as fast as they began. Losing jobs because you have so little self esteem that you don't care about anything. Even breathing. Looking at death as a great alternative to silence critics in your brain.

thinkgeek.com

That is why I write. To get it out in the open so that no one feels alone. Even if I have only written now for four days, I feel like I have come out of the closet to the world about my shame. Something I tried to hide however because I am writing about this I am feeling like some one out there will see that they are not alone and do something to become the person that they want to be, not some one who has to pretend to be the person that they think people want. All along I keep thinking that the people getting help for depression, no matter how severe, are the "normal" and the "abnormal" and "crazy" people are the ones who are out there with out treatment.

Super Power? #HAWMC

dunna nunna na "Bat Mom"

The super power I would want to have would be the power to take away the disorder from people and give it to the people who say its a "phase" or "get over it; its all in your mind" or "your faking because you were acting 'normal' the other day.

Yes its all in my mind, no I'm not faking it and what the heck is 'Normal' anyway?

Step into my mind for a day and I'll show you a world of hurt, disorder and confusion. See if you can try and come close to your standard when you are looking at your newborns face and can't seem to connect because there is some invisible wall right in front of you and you feel powerless to get to the other side. Or when you stare in to the black deep waters of an ocean and think that it would be painless and no one would miss you if you were dead. I've been there. Its not a pretty site to see. Sometimes it feels like the only way out of that brain.

Yep, I think I would relieve that pressure from a Manic mind, and give it to that person who is a "hater", unless they have it too and haven't had it diagnosed properly...

A Little Tikes "Bounce" into Summer - 15% off code

With Summer coming, the need to save my sanity and my pocket book with an active toddler on the weekends is fast approaching! The great people at Little Tikes have a great solution, a bouncer! Bella loves the "bounce house" (as she calls it) that her friend's grandmother has, which happens to be an older Little Tikes bouncer.

Bella getting ready to go down the slide

She would love one of her own. Her best friends mom, even made the comment that she wants a bouncer for their home because of all the enjoyment that her daughter gets out of it as well, plus the added benefit of exercise and a bit easier to get her asleep a bit faster!

I might have to talk my husband into getting the Rocky Mountain River Race because of the cool slides and the little pool where I can hang out with Grace so I can stay cool too!

Kids not included

Just plug in the code BOUNCE when you are ready to check out by April 30, 2012 and get 15% off, plus free shipping! 

*Note: I was not compensated for providing this promotion on my website.

"I Live in Your World, You Play in Mine." #HAWMC

The quote "I Live in Your World, you Play in Mine" actually is made up by myself. As I worked for Sony's PlayStation Store, they came out with a tagline of "You live in your World, You play in Ours". Or something like that. and I took it and made something new and kind of different.

The quote made me feel like I was taking back the stigma of being labeled "abnormal" in a "normal" world. It also was something that if I said it, people would think it sounded familiar, but not too familiar (so I wouldn't get sued by Sony). I use it today in my GMail Signature, however sometimes I delete it because I don't know how "normal" people would perceive the tagline especially coming from an adult that they know nothing about.

Though video games have saved me from going completely off the deep end. Say what you will about violent video games, but playing 30-40 minutes of Grand Theft Auto (in extreme cases) or Ratchet and Clank (which I play more often) has been very cathartic and allowed me to vent anger, frustration and act on feelings that I would not and could not act on in real life. See Violent Video games do help when given the chance to do positive work than the negative they always seem to get when something bad happens.

Time in a Bottle #HAWMC

The time 1:00 PM GMT, April 1, 2112, the place some where in the desert of what was known as the San Francisco Bay Area. The great archaeological find of the year has been unearthed due to construction of a major farm that promises to restore the great valleys of California due to the Cities of San Francisco and Los Angels being moved towards Hawaii in the great earthquake of 2100 dramatically shifting the ecosystem of .

One of the finds that was thought to be an inhabited area; scientists found a Time Capsule from the year 2012. As they took it back to their field lab, the box sprang open and a small note was at the top:

Dear Future,

Please do not judge.

I am a mother, a wife and a woman.

I have many problems.

Please look at this with an open mind,

people in this life look at Bi-Polar/Manic depression as the black death.

We are people just like you.

Yours Truly, Amanda

As they look onward they find sealed gallon zip-lock bags full of Medical journals, papers, finding and other documentation of the definitions and treatments of the condition. Some from the early 20th Century, which document the treatments of shock therapy for this "Bi-Polar/Manic" type of depression. In pill bottles they find little pink pills with the instructions on how to take the pills 3 times a day of a substance called Lithium, another dozen bottles of pills called Zoloft, Wellbutrin and Prozac, to name a few. a journal that documented the struggles of the woman called "Amanda". A USB device that once open, showed a website long forgotten. Reading it they found the struggles this person went through as a woman with depression. Struggling with the stigma and the necessity of keeping it quiet from the people in the "Normal World". And a few photographs of what looks to be a very healthy family of four laughing at what seems to be a park in old San Francisco.

At first the scientific community was baffled about this discovery. Depression was wiped out by the discovery of a genetic trait that could be turned off by the nano-bots given at birth in 2102. So this discovery it showed the lack of medical knowledge of the humans living 100 years ago. It validated a few ideas that the medical community had as they theorized that back then the doctors treated the symptoms and not the root cause of the genetic disorder. They marveled at the information that this capsule provided, a wealth of misinformation, once thought of as the definitive answer by giving harsh medicine to people to alter their thinking and perception of the world to now where a simple DNA test and nano bot correction can wipe out  anything and repair the broken links.

Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge #HAWMC

My focus will be on Bi-Polar Manic Depression and some of the Postnatal depression issues. Please don't judge this as a personal experience and I will be bearing my soul.

Hey everyone - I just wanted to tell you about a new activity I'll be doing this April. The Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge hosted by WEGO Health. I will be writing a post a day for all 30 days. I hope you'll join me in writing every day about health. It's going to be a lot of fun and I'd love to see what you have to say about each of the topics, too. All you have to do to join is sign up here: http://info.wegohealth.com/HAWMC2012 and you'll be able to start posting once April rolls around. Looking forward to writing with you!