*WARNING LONG POST* Amanda is about 18 years old, she has been taking prescription medication for depression for around two years. Her mother who also has depression, self medicates with alcohol and pills she picks up from the medicine cabinet at her work as a nurse at a local hospital.
One day Amanda returning from a hard day at school, as this is her senior year in high school, spots a cop car on the other side of the street from her house. When she walks in she sees her mother and the cop talking about some pieces of paper on the kitchen table.
"She forged my signature on these (pointing at the checks, that look years old), arrest her," Says Amanda's Mother to the cop; no welcome home, no please sit down I need to talk to you.
The cop looks at the checks, then looks at Amanda, then at her mother and says, "The statue of limitations on these checks (pointing to the dates) are not resent, they weren't cashed and it looks like a child having some imaginary fun trying to be like her mother. I am not going to arrest her for this." The cop looks at Amanda and shakes his head.
Amanda doesn't say anything, she is in shock, disbelieving that her mother could do something like this to her. After a few rough patches when Amanda was younger, she knew she was over trying to hurt her mother, gain attention from some one who wasn't there 3 days a week, she was moving on, why not her mother?
"She has a record, look it up!" Her mother pressed on. "I want to press charges and get her in jail where she belongs!"
Something in Amanda snaps. She is blinded by hurt and betrayal, she runs to the living room and pulls out a box. An ornate box that Amanda thinks she can use against her mother. It has Marijuana in it. Its old and most of it is turned to dust, however she thinks since the cop is there she can at least hurt her mother as much as she is hurting her.
The cop sees the contents, however does nothing, just tells Amanda to put it away.
He tells Amanda's mom that he's leaving and radio in to the dispatchers the incident was nothing but a domestic dispute.
Amanda goes to her room for a minute to put her back pack down. When she returns to the kitchen she sees her mother pleading with the officer to arrest her for the forged checks and talks about how she wants Amanda to learn the hard way as it would be the only way for her not to do it again.
The officer continues to walk out the door. Out of hurt and frustration Amanda reaches for a knife. Not to cut herself or due damage to herself (the knife was very dull from not being sharpened for a few years), but she had so much mental pain that she needed to feel something physical, to show how much her mother hurt her.
Amanda's Mother saw the knife as she was taking it to her room. She called the cop back in the kitchen and said, "Look, she has a knife, 5150 her, she might use it on me! See!?!?" Pulling Amanda's arm with the knife blade pressed firmly to the palm of her hand. Amanda drops the knife, but it was too late. The officer didn't care about the reasons, he was doing his job; Amanda's mother got what she wanted. Amanda out of the house.
He handcuffed Amanda until they got to the car. Then he lowered Amanda in the car and took the hand cuffs off. Amanda had never been in a cop car before. Even when she did get into major trouble long ago, she didn't have to be in one. The leather back seat was a bit warm from sitting in the Indian Summer sun. The cage of the back gave a checkered shadow from where she was sitting. Amanda was interested in the computer, radios, the gadgets that were at any officer's finger tips. And there was a gun, a shot gun, resting with the mussel aimed at the back seat; the trigger was towards the top of the car. That was the first time Amanda ever saw a gun like that up close and personal. When the officer was finished talking to her mother; he went back to the frount seat of the car and explained what was going to happen to Amanda. He gave her paper work to sign. Amanda was only half listening.
She asked if the gun was loaded. He said yes. She stated that the gadgets and computer were cool, however the officer was trying to not talk to Amanda. He was buying time. An ambulance came a short time later. He talked to the paramedics. It was a short hand off. He left while they were closing the doors on her.
They hooked her up to a portable heart monitor, got her vitals including a small sample of blood, asked her a dozen questions.
"Do you feel like hurting yourself? Do you feel like hurting others? How do you feel?"
"No, No, and Fine."
"We are taking you to
John George. Its in
San Lorenzo. There you can call your mom."
"Can I call my dad instead?"
"Sure, just one person."
10 minutes go by. Amanda sees out the tiny window its getting later in the day. She is waiting for the ride to stop. The sticky pads of the heart monitor are itching. She asks if they can be taken off. The paramedic says yes and takes off the sticky pads.
They arrive at dusk while the paramedics get the paper work done Amanda is taken to a cell, with gray bars, and told to stay there. There is a phone in the cell and Amanda is allowed one phone call. She calls her dad.
"Daddy? I am scared. Mom called the cops and now I don't know where I am and I want to go home!" Amanda starts to break down and cry.
"Shit!" she hears her dad say. He rarely curses so she knows this is bad. "What's going on?"
Amanda recounts the day. All she can hear is her dad, go "oh my" and "Why did she (Amanda's Mother) do that." He tells her to keep her posted on where they are taking her and that he will call her mother and find out more about it.
She stops sobbing and says "Yes, I'll do that." She doesn't notice another paramedic standing behind her waiting for the call to be over.
"Come with us." He says. Amanda is frightened. She doesn't know where she's going. She doesn't know if she's going to a room at the place she's at or some where completely different.
The paramedics on this trip don't talk to her like the one's before. Its dark now so Amanda has no landmarks to base her location on. Just headlights and twists and turns.
They arrive at a non discript building. They take Amanda to an elevator and one of the paramedics press 14. A few short minutes later they arrive to a door. It buzzes and they take Amanda to a window. They give the person (at the time Amanda was in shock and doesn't remember too much of this) the paper work and then go away. The buzzer goes a second time and another door is opened. A doctor comes and says some words and takes Amanda to a room. She's in awe of the floor. She asks if she can go to the padded room. He kind of laughs and states that's not for her.
The doctor takes her to a room with an empty "bed" and she can see the twinkling lights of San Francisco in the distance. She cries herself to sleep and wonders what's going to happen to her.
The next few hours she tries to sleep. Every so often a lab tech comes in and draws blood. In the morning the other patients start waking up and Amanda so badly wants to wake up in her own bed, but knows this is reality.
The food is served on trays, she has a tray with another person's name on it. She asks the staff member about it, however he waves her off with a comment that the person left and now the food is hers, the proceeds to give Amanda a sheet with a menu and told to circle what she wants to eat. The date goes to the Thursday. Amanda hopes that she doesn't have to be here that long. After eating, the morning staff hands out medication in the small white Dixie cups. Amanda asks for hers. Again they wave her off saying that the doctor needs to order it. She stops listening. Amanda sees patients with pads of paper and pens. She goes to the cage in the middle of the floor and asks about it. She is given a red pen and two College bound notebooks. She starts to write in the first notebook about the last 24 hours. She sees a pay phone next to the door she came through.
Though out the day, there are sessions Amanda is forced to go to. At first she doesn't mind it. An experience, she tells herself. However after lunch she is ready to go anywhere but to the second group session. She's scared, frightened, and in disbelief.
Latter in the day her dad visits; the look of sorrow and shame is on his face. She asks about what's happening and what will happen to her once she's out. He tells her he doesn't know. Amanda's mother wasn't too forthcoming about this event and only told him where to find Amanda after being threatened herself with having the cops called on her. Amanda hugs him tightly, he brings her a change of clothes. He also gives her some money for her to call him or any one that she wants to call from the pay phone.
After a half an hour he leaves and the gloom returns along with the twinkle of the San Francisco skyline in the distance. The movie after dinner was "Jerry McGuire" She didn't stay for the whole movie. Instead she went back to her room and wrote some more and called her friend to let him know that there was a change on plans and he was on his own.
The lab people come back like clock work drawing blood every 3 hours waking Amanda up from what little sleep she can get with the cold blankets and hospital gown she's wearing. She draws in the notebook some more.
In the morning the routine is the same. However now the plate of food has her name on it. She drinks the juice from the carton because there is no straw on the tray, however sees other people with straws, she'll need to ask some one about that.
This time its an individual session with the Doctor on Duty. He asks some questions, they bring her, the medication she requested yesterday in the small Dixie cups, she gladly takes it. The doctor listens to Amanda; how she recounts the events of the last 48 hours. He nods and writes down some things in his note book. After an hour of the conversation, he tells Amanda that her mother should be in the facility and not her. She agrees with him. However he can't discharge her till the next day.
Amanda asks if she could live there if possible, go to school and come back at night. He laughs and states there are no ins and outs like that. Either you are in or you are out. Just then the buzzer sounds and an African American lady walks in with a bag and checks herself in. The doctor leaves and welcomes the lady back. He never returns.
Again the day wears on and Amanda would really like to go into a padded cell, however they still say that she can not go in one. Another two group therapies go on, one talking about feelings an the other talking about what brought you here. Day turns to night and Amanda just wants to go home.
Again the lab workers move in and out of the rooms taking blood at night. She wonders if she's going to have blood left over. Her arms are sore from the poking of the needle, but realizes that she gets to go home tomorrow.
The 72 hour hold is lifted on a Sunday morning. She changes back into street clothes and doesn't know if anyone is going to pick her up. Her dad was working, at least that is what he said. Her mother never made any contact with her during the 3 day stay. And Amanda didn't have her bus pass. She talked with the doctor about this and he gave her a bus voucher and a bag to put the dirty clothes in and the two note books she had. It was the kind that any hospital would give to you.
Amanda remembered that she was to baby sit for a nice family that afternoon. Hopefully she could make it on time. She said goodbye and walked to the bus stop and waited.
The bus came and since Amanda had no watch with her she kept an eye on the ticker that displayed the time and each stop for people. She arrived at the house a bit early and rang the bell. She though up a quick story for the hospital bag that she was carrying. "I was in an accident." "I was visiting a friend and I stated I would watch some of their stuff."
The mother came to the door, smiled then came out side and closed the door half way.
"We won't be needing you any more. When I called your house to make sure you would still be here, your mother answered and told me about what happened. I don't feel like you are capable to watch my children anymore. I am sorry." Then she walked to the door and closed it on Amanda's face still in shock that her mother would be so cruel.
Amanda walked home angry, hurt and just as confused as she was a few days ago in the back of the police car.
When she got home there was a note on the door for her. It read that she couldn't stay in the house any longer. She could only come when her dad was with her and a police officer was present. She rang the bell. Her mother answered and handed her some clothes and her favorite stuffed animals.
She told Amanda that her dad would be coming soon to get her and to have a nice day. Then she shut the door on her. Amanda waited for her dad to pick her up. Hurt, confused and just reeling, Amanda just wanted to cry. And she did.
A keep up the appearance that we were a family. My teacher came and asked me about my excitement about a school trip that was up coming. My mother didn't know; she looked at me with disgust. Later that night I was yelled at and hit me. I ran to my room to hide; my mother pulled out a bottle of brandy.
