Moving on?

Am I ready to move on?

To face reality of the next chapter of my life.

I have moved on from the X, however not completely. Heather, a personal and dear friend, has told me that if you can be in the same room with him and walk up to him to say "Hi", then have indifferent feelings about looking at him, then you are over him.

I still am at the stage of wanting to punch him in the face a few times still for what he did to the littles.

However, I am almost there.

It becomes difficult when my heart tugs on the strings for some one else. I feel trapped in my world. If I don't think about it, I think about it more and more. I hate that. I really do.

I need to stay rooted in the present or I live in the horrid past or am torched living in a future that does not exist yet and I ignore the people that need me now. My littles, my friends, and family.

And if having the person that I really like as a friend, well good friend, right now is what I need to accept because I really value his friendship and advice then I must come to terms with that as well in the present.

I still need to work on the X thing anyway.

Ladoo Almost Got It

I am happy about my ladoo! Still need to tweak out some small details however I got a great texture and taste.

Here it is:

There are a few mistakes and no nuts *Sigh, waiting for test results for my new allergies*. However I actually made a good 101st try. I am going to make it again however its one of those things worth sharing because I don't have a teacher (an Auntie, Indian mom, or even an old woman that has been doing this for years) to show me how. I have youtube and some culinary school training,

When I got it down I'll show it again. and hopefully I can show another application for Ladoo as well!

Bella Roux Bakery - On Thumbtack

So any one want to hire me for something?? If you are in the San Francisco bay area I can come to your house and help you with your greatest struggles. Either click on this link Pastry by Amanda or in the side bar below and hire me for a cool afternoon of teaching!

Fall

This year Fall came late to San Francisco. I don't mean the calendar Fall that came n time. The actual weather feeling.

I can feel the weather changes. It creeps me out most of the time because one day there is nothing and then the next I notice the switch from one season to the next. I thought since I have new allergies and my body is getting older I wouldn't feel it. However two days ago I did.

It's not a bad thing, just weird. Or at least I think it is.

Does anyone out there feel that slight shift or is just me?

CAKE DAY!!!

Today I start my lessons in International Baking and Cake Assembly in school!

Looking forward to it. I am hoping that this class will hone the skills of my cake decorating and make me look like more of a professional than just a great home cook.

This is what I did in June for my oldest. She wanted a frozen cake so like a good mommy I made her a three tier cake with fondant and blueberry filling.

I am wanting to unlock my almost 3 year old brain because its her birthday next and I would like to prepare for it. It took 2 months of planing for the oldest's cake.

been two years

The hurt is still there.

Two years ago in October, the X officially became the X. I guess after two years, you'd say, it is in the past, hurt? What hurt? However last year it was survival mode. Find a job, hold the job. Feed the littles, feed one self.

This year I can process a few things in my brain that were under lock and key. However it will be a huge undertaking of self allowance of the past. However it will hurt and sting, I really do need to process it. Can't stand on my own two feet with out this processes. More later.

Allergies

Ever since my 35th birthday my body has become my worst enemy.

It just was dairy. 

Now its Shellfish, dairy and nuts.

Hahaha nuts. Dirty minds. 

I hate having to watch what I eat. 

Ocular migraines have started. While I was driving. Oh the joy of eating food and playing russian roulette with people's lives. Especially mine. I hate allergies.

I feel yucky and I end up itching all over my body. Breaking out in red rashes. The sore throat that follows every attack. Even when I drink water, it still feels like it will never go back to normal.

Though it does. I still can't leave the house without benadryl. I am thinking about getting an epi-pen. Never really thought that my life may go that direction, however today with the ocular attack, I may have to.

Did I tell you all I hate allergies?