My dad

My dad is a very good man.

My dad is helping me through this tough time.

My dad is driving me batty.

My dad makes me cry.

My dad doesn't understand the pressure I am under right now.

My dad says 3 jobs isn't good enough, my dad says that the 5 jobs I have/will have aren't good enough.

My dad accused me of buying a bike for Bella. To me that was a low blow.  Did not even ask - hey that bike looks new - where did you get it? Just straight out said I bought a new bike for Bella.

 Trying to get back on my feet ASAP! No rush but I feel like I need to move out and sleep in my car for the rest of my life in order for me to get on my feet again.

BREATH!

Make it STOP!

One foot in front of the other right? Feels like face plants every day.

I have days where I am on top of the world and others I want to be buried six feet under.

I started a podcast or at least something to that effect.

I want to get better at doing this insurance thing and yet it feels like I am drowning.

I am asking for help; yet there seems to be a delay that I can't afford. I am doing my best.

I need to do more than hope. One foot in front of the other.

Asking

Asking for what I want is something hard for me to do.

I feel some one is going to rescue me in time and when it doesn't happen I feel like they failed and the victim mentality comes back to the circle.

In fact it was me, myself, and I that failed. I didn't reach out for help. I didn't take the ownership of my life and placed it out into the world.

Any suggestions to start asking for help?

I did it today and it felt good.  I needed help with my business and was feeling very flustered. I talked with a person that was two steps above me in the business and she gave me some advice and a good direction to go in. Also she is going to give me some extra work as a PA so I can learn how to navigate the world I am living in and build up my skill sets.

I just need to do it over and over when I feel like when I do need help or struggling for an answer.

I'd like you to help me as well! Any Suggestions that would help me know when to ask rather than feel like a victim is greatly appreciated.

How I am getting my groove back

Thinks I need to do:

1. Find an accountability partner for work and for life.

Its easy for me to start something and not finish it. I have all these great ideas and yet I don't act on them. I'd like to have some one with me to help me get the fine details to a manageable level.

2. Feeling not so overwhelmed.

Yes you say EVERYONE needs that. But I have major issues with it. Again I will need help with number one to help with this one.

3. Make my income match my wants and needs

Need to find a way to do this and I will.

4. Being there for my kids.

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5.  TBD

Broken

I am broken both in spirit and in body.

I really need to get better so here I am stating this.

I have a 30 day YMCA pass.
I really would like to keep it after the 30 days so here I am making a plan of action

I want to have a significant other that I can confide in so here I am making myself better.

I need to have hopes and dreams again so here I am planing them.

I need to write again so here I am writing.

I need to have an action plan so here I am making it

I need to have order and structure so here I am creating it.

30 days can change my life and this is my challenge.

My Word

Being that its been a few months that I have been busy. trying to live two or three lives takes a toll on oneself.

Getting back into real life is hard when there are few to talk to. I know the people are out there just not the same from them being there, checking in, seeing them on a daily bases. I guess I am one of those people that like everyday conversation.

With that I know I should reach out to people some more however I doubt they want to hear from me. 

Maine India Gayi Thee

I went to India.

My friend asked me why aren't you blogging about India? You have all these awesome experiences and foods that you should be talking about. I will...

To me, this trip is an emotional and physical one. being physically apart from the littles, being out side the USA in 15 years, and letting go.

I can't write any more right now about my trip because it is not complete. When I am on the plane I think I maybe able to. Won't have anything better to do. However it won't be a list or pictures, it maybe something completely different from what some expect. If you want to see some pictures, "like" the fact that a small cup of Chai is .16 cents or see a play by play, that's what face book is for.