How to teach love

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How do you teach love to your children when you are struggling to love yourself? That is my challenge right now. I have to teach two little ones that are looking to me to show them how to love themselves when I am knee deep in self doubt and self pity.

I am trying to make a better life for myself by keeping a roof over my head and my small kids, food on the table, clothes on their backs, and being there for them emotionally is priority one right now.

My needs and wants are second to the priorities I have listed above, however that doesn't show my kids anything about loving oneself because with little kids you need to lead by example. Self love and care is something that is a big thing for me. I wasn't taught that by my mother unless guilt trips, self loathing, self destruction is healthy. I have learned that way of life is not a path I want to follow.

However I look at myself and that is the path I have been following and I hate do not like what I am teaching my kids.

I have to put my priorities first when they are here and when they aren't. I have to find a way to motivate the heck out of me because if I don't I will be in the same place as I am now next year writing about the same issues and I feel like I am a failure. And that is NOT what I want to teach them.

So this year is all about learning with them to love the self and others the way we want to be treated. I don't want to be a welcome mat and I don't want to be a hard butt either. I am trying to find the line in which I can be who I am and still show them that self love is important and necessary for a healthy life.

Is there anything you all do that helps remind you to love your self with out books or people everyday to remind you about things that need to be done?

Isolation

I have felt very alone in this world lately. No one to talk to about the issues facing me. I have many friends, however I feel that if I talk about my problems and just repeat them over and over again they tune out and not really listen.

Now with the divorce, I face another problem. His friends Vs My friends. Some of his friends I have gotten very close to over the years and they are part of the family example godparents to my little ones. Then there are the friends that I want to talk to however I don't want to say something about the X just to have them call him 10 minutes after I leave. The chance that they might do what I just described, is a really big fear and is stopping me from talking to them.

I don't know maybe I am over exaggerating or paranoid about opening up to them. However I don't want them to feel like they need to take sides, however the silence of them not talking, has made me think they will and I shouldn't be waiting invitations to their homes anytime soon.

Like I have to watch what I say here because of the public nature of the blogging world, however I do not feel isolated when writing. Just in real life I would love a few friends that would come over and take me out and about when I feel blue. Oh well, I guess I will wait for that to happen a little later down the year.

Telling my daughters I love them

Going through the divorce is painful let alone feeling isolated from the people you really love. My daughters have to spend two to five days away from me. I see them through modern day technology on those days through FaceTime an Apple app that allows me to see their eyes and hear their voices as well for them to see me and to hear my voice. Sometimes they laugh and are joyful around the iPad and sometimes they are not. That is when it hurts.

My youngest sometimes starts to cry for me and that is when it hurts to be on FaceTime. I don't want to stop just because of it though. I feel bad and I want to drive the 40+ miles to her to comfort her and to tell her it will be okay and sooth her to sleep. The x would not like that at all.

I want them have a connection when I can not be there. I want to let them know I love them and care for them. I want them to know that they can call me if they want at any time. I guess the later will happen when they get older however I want to set an open door for them to walk in and out of when they want.

Am I foolish to want to keep the connection alive? Am I banging my head against the wall when they are this small? Any advice?

I feel like a cat up a tree

I feel like this cat to the left. Not knowing if I let go some one would be there to catch me. Just looking to the heavens and saying a bunch of prayers for a rescuer to come with a ladder and grab me before I fall off and land not so gracefully on my butt in front of people.

I am learning that I can rescue myself.

I feel that I need balance in my life with out a safety net of another person. I do need a hug now and then. Every one needs one from another person. I have two little girls to do that. However, I am not leaning on them as adults. I am taking that unconditional love for them that I have and cherishing every moment I have with them.

My life isn't over by along shot however for two months I have been sulking in the shadows hoping for that Hail Mary pass from someone besides myself. Someone to take charge and to take the troublesome load off my shoulders. I was looking for someone to take control of my life as I felt it was spinning out of control. And it was for a while. I feel that I am moving past the out of control Amanda and into the Amanda 2.0 that every one can see forming before them. I just hope for the sake of the kids I can continue to show them that you can fall from a great height, get slightly injured and dust yourself off to start anew. 

Feeling like I can't talk, but I want to

In this world of Social Media and all the data in the world, some times I feel that I have to censor myself to the world so that it would not reflect poorly on me and my family.

However I have been thinking.

I need to speak on my blog about the things that I have been going through because I think its best that my world becomes open and shed some light on my feelings and how it is impacting me.

The feelings of isolation is a big factor in my decision. I feel that once I open this blog to the world of my mind then I can feel more free about who I am becoming. I know this blog is low on the list of readership and I am not feeding my own social media boost. I am only trying to make my blog truly about me and my children and not something that I am going to look back and be ashamed of.

I will talk about my crafts, Etsy, and other things that come to my mind, however I am not going to try and censor what I feel on this blog. Even when it may hurt my chances of keeping my kids (my biggest fear), I will not talk about people negatively no matter how I feel about these people in my life. When I do talk it will be in my voice. When I talk it will be in the present and not in the past. Though I may need to give some background information however its not going to be too detailed.

I am going forward and so should this blog.

Crafting

Here are a few crafts that I have completed in the last few weeks. Hopefully I can get them on Etsy soon.

Resume Help: Part 5, I am learning to say Thank You!

I really want to thank all of the readers that have made it a point to read this whole series. As I am trying to gain a job, so it is important that we all share information to help one another and hopefully all gain some type of employment!

The thank you is a genuine one and from my heart.

10. Say "Please, Excuse me and Thank You". Even the coldest HR person or Recruiter will remember you if you are polite and genuine. That goes for every correspondence, phone call, in-person interview and after the interview.

I used to think that I didn't need to send a thank you note (email or letter) after every interview, however I am learning that manners go a long way when trying to get a job, especially in today's market where for every 1 job advertisement 1,000 people apply and if you do get that interview from the gorgeous resume that  at least I am helping to make, the impression that you give, before, during and after an interview will help them remember you.

No, I am not saying sending every HR person or Recruiter a fruit basket the next day, I am saying a day after send them a quick email (because of course you asked them for a business card), thanking them for spending the time with you, for the feedback they may have given you and let them know that their time was not wasted.

Example:

Dear (insert Mr/Ms Last Name),

Thank you for the (phone or in person) interview on (day of the week or date). I know your time is very valuable and meeting me for the (Job title) at (insert company name), really meant a lot to me.

I would like to thank you as well for the in depth detail you gave about your companies time requirements for the position. I am grateful to you for answering the questions I had about the day to day duties that the job entailed in more depth.

Please feel free to call me if you have any questions that you may not have had during the interview.

Thank you again,
(Your Name)
(phone number)

As this is just a template you can add or subtract anything you want or need to say. You can make it as formal or informal as you would like it to be.

If you do get interviewed by multiple people try to send it to the department heads and HR as you don't want to make your sincerer thank you look like a form letter to the whole company.

Try to send the thank you email to them as soon as possible so you can stay fresh in their minds. Don't wait two weeks and then send it to them.  Example : Interview on Monday, send the thank you on Wednesday or Thursday. If the interview is on Friday, send the thank you on Monday or Tuesday (if it is a holiday weekend so there will not be an Out of Office reply).

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed the series of posts. As I learn more about resume writing and the do's and don't of trying to get a job, I'll post more on the blog!