#VoltKlout day 1

Wee I get a new car! At least for 2 more days. Me and my gals are riding big in the 2012 Chevy Volt! That's right a hybrid for me, its currently charging in the driveway. I didn't get the  red one (sort of disappointing, I was looking forward to driving one in that color) I got the white one instead. I guess its best that I did not get that color because I would have to explain to my husband why I have so many speeding tickets. Any way, the day kind of stunk because the address they had was wrong and it took up most of the day to get the car here. The guy was super nice and helped me with transferring the car seat from my car to the Volt. After that I grabbed a few DVD's (fully loaded with that feature), popped one in so my tot had something to do besides look out the window and drove off. 

To my tot's horror, the DVD screen went blank as soon as I put the car in Drive. I know its for the drivers safety however I am not going to sit in front of my home in 70 degree weather watching something we can watch inside the house. However the audio from the movie played and we went off on our day. 

He left for the week

I asked him to stay just one more night. He said no.

Waiting for the door to close

It's Sunday night. We had a great time as a family this weekend. We laughed we cried and we were a parental unit. I don't know when he'll hold my hand. I don't know when I'll get a kiss from him. I hate not knowing. I think he's going to stay the night tonight. But I am not sure.

I know the reason

The new Muppet movie bombed. It's not the muppets of old. I think the human aspect throws it off. It's great when it's just the muppets it's great however when it goes to the human muppet interaction it becomes dull. The muppet co star takes a bit of getting used to and the back and forth breaks the reality.

Good thing I saw this at home and not in the theaters.

We went to the library today

Me and the girls are starting to build a weekly routine like Tuesday starting next week is Library day and Fridays are trips to the zoo. They may be pushed back a bit to include every day dealings, but to provide a regular weekly initiatory is good for me and them. Bella misses daycare a lot and hasn't had much interaction as of late so we are going to have the trips to the library as an outlet for her. Grace on the other hand will like the new faces that are around and might take some interest in the books that she hears.

The many faces of reality

So today my husband said that my posts don't reflect reality, well his mother told him that. He said that during this past weekend he spent borrowed money to buy us food for the week. Which was true. He did spend money for shopping for this house and his own. I mean how many packets of hotdogs can one person eat from Costco?

He said that I wanted to light his stuff on fire. I know that is not right both for for my kids sake and for my own marriage sake. Sometimes I need to vent and it needs to be out of my head so it doesn't fester.

It's a shame that MIL doesn't tell him about the posts where I pour my heart out saying that I want him back and I would do anything to have him back to him. Just a filter through the good things and point out the bad things to my husband.

He still says he doesn't know when he'll be back at home, he says he doesn't think I hear him in therapy. We only had two so far together. Three if you include the one on one sessions we had last week. I heard him that he doesn't know how he feels about me. He smiles when I talk about what I love about him, then says I doesn't understand or listen to what he says. He says he doesn't know. That I have pulled away from him emotionally, which I have not. He says I have pulled away from Bella emotionally which I have not. Sure I have had some issues in the past because being a mother with not a good role model its only what I have learned and I am trying to fix that.

Same old shoot

So money is the root of most of the problems we are having besides the communication breakdown in our relationship. Him saying to me I can't afford the house with all the other things "{he}" needs to pay for excluding what I personally owe.

So it came to my surprise when I found out he is renting a house. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, and a backyard. I asked him about it and he said he couldn't afford anything closer. 30+ miles away from your kids, your wife and the rest of the people who care about him. So because of the Internet I looked up what the rental cost. The same as the freaking mortgage! Except it's a tad higher than that of the mortgage.

I am trying to survive by scratching every nickel and dime I can find together so my kids can eat and he's living alone with his mother helping at every turn. To me it doesn't seem like a temporary location.

I feel like throwing out everything that is his and just lighting it all on fire. But that would be wrong and I could probably get more money out of the items than setting them on fire.