Birth of a Mom part duex

And maybe I would feel a bond with him/her. To tell you the truth I didn't want a Daughter.

I honestly did not want a baby girl to save my life. I know that it sounds mean and hurtful and you are thinking, "Mom, you have a baby girl aren't you in love with her and everything?". Yes, I do have a baby girl and yes I love her to the point of no return. It's just when three generations of women give abuse to the next I still am scared that I will be just the same and will turn on her the same as her grandma (my mother) did to me and going back a few generations.

So what I hoped for was a boy, I really thought it was a boy for the longest time untill the day of my BIG ultra sound and peaked at the lab tech's It's a ....... Comment. Didn't actually read it just scaned to see how many letters after that they were and there were too many to be a boy. And it was that. I decided that I would still love my baby but a fourth generation would not have the same fate as the ones before her. If it was a girl, there still might be a chance, that slim fading chance it wasn't and the tech person was wrong. But as the days got closer and closer I knew my mommy-tuition was wrong about the gender and I had to make it up to the little person that was growing in side of me.

In memory of a grand-dad

93 years young. He was my greatest joy and always made me smile. He didn't want fame or fortune. All he wanted was to be loved and give it!

I miss you grand pa!

Donald Peterson 1917-2010


I hope you enjoy being held by your mother for the first time and feel warm and safe in her arms! Say hi to my mom, Bernie and Grandma. I hope all have peace now and happiness! I love you all!

Birth of a Mom

Every one writes the Birth story for little one's and they are informative and very baby directive. This post is about the birth of my new persona in life the title Mom, MA-MA, mother, madre, okasan just to name a few of the many names for the title but when does it hit home?

I started to think about this before I was pregnant with my daughter. Does giving birth to a baby automatically give you the title? Or does it occur when your child looks at you and says the magical words MAMA! I didn't know because my mother wasn't the best roll model and I don't think her mother was either. But they respected the title of mother and when so when I was born I called my mother mom as well but as I got older and more aware that she wasn't like the other mom's that I knew at least for the hour or so that I was in their care, she wasn't like that. So I called her by her first name most of the time. It made her mad and said to call her Mom over and over again

When I was pregnant I didn't know if I'd ever be known as mom. I didn't feel like my life would need that title, as I didn't have a very good role model and she didn't have a very good role model herself as well. I kept telling myself I was going to have some one to take care of (to be continued)

One Year ago Feb. 4th

One year ago on February 4th, 2009, I was getting over a cold, had been out sick from work for 3 days, and I was 22 weeks pregnant (see link in title for more details). I had just got off of work, driving home and waiting for a car to turn left in front of me, then out of nowhere a car rear ends me and I am for ever changed. Well, my back was hurting and a worry that I might not carry,(at the time) the unborn baby, to 24 weeks let alone the full 37 weeks. That seemed very far away that day.

Its pretty scary to be thinking that some average day can turn into one of the defining moments in a life, even if its not yours, of your unborn child. That day I feared more for the one that wasn't born that had no clue what was going on, then myself. The knowledge if there was something wrong and it had to be born that day, its chances of survival weren't very good until two weeks later. And that was a big if it could survive at that point as well.

I remember everything that went on that day, but I think the best part was to feel my baby move and kick from the long time that I was strapped to a board (see picture above). My husband was there (the 5th is his birthday) and I had him record the heartbeat off of the fetal monitor for a Valentines idea I had that I sent to most of the grandparents (I owe one to a grandma). We were going to get the Heartbeat the next day because I all ready had a routine appointment to see my OB-GYN, but this just speed up what we were going to do anyway. Here is what we did: we got a few record your own voice Valentines day cards from the Hallmark store (I heart that store), placed the recording of the heartbeat and a note to the grandparents hinting about what the sound was that they were listening to (I need to get that from my dad because I don't know where I put the file and I want to have that again.).

The next week from the accident I was in pain and couldn't get off of work until I saw the doctor which I did the next Friday, Feb, 16th, and from then on it was a blur of Motrin and Tylenol. The last picture above is from my car, It doesn't look so smashed but the trunk area had a large crumple that totaled the car and I have been with out one for almost a year. I do have the VW Bug, but that is another story that I will get in to later.

I can not beleive

That 7 months ago it was late spring, I was in the hospital with a very over due baby in my tummy and hoping that I would be able to push it out. I didn't know if it was a boy or girl but it was coming out one way or the other. And a bit more than 24 hrs later a baby girl was born.

Now it's mid-winter a day before she turns 7 months and I can not beleive that she is thriving and very head strong and coping most things I do. I swear she says "Mum!" when protesting going to sleep. She hasn't crawled or taken her first step but is very active with toys. She loves to see my face, it lights up every time she sees me from waking from a nap, or just looking around to see if comfort is near.

Sewing Machines

So Hubby wants a Brother Sewing Machine or a Singer Sewing Machine. I say its all good if can make things for me on etsy! I know that I am to make it but if he's out of a job and I still have one, he should be making money for the family right? Also if its for the household why not? I also would make things but he likes sewing machines. I like knitting.

Sleep Training Day ??

Well, I got to say I think it is day 6 of the sleep in her own crib day and its working like a charm. Just until I go in bed and she cries for me and like any mom I pick her up and go back into bed with her by my side. This time it was around 11 pm (I think) because we were out a little late celebrating the New Year with MIL.

I had actually put her in her pj's before hand so that if needed we could put her directly into bed with only a diaper change. We got home after dinner and I fed her one last time and Hubby changed her and 2 minutes of cranky protest and nothing. I think this was around 8:30pm.

I think I need to sleep out in the living room to get a great night sleep. Maybe I'll try that tonight since it is Saturday and all.