sleep training update and day 3

Last night #2 after DD ate her rice ceral, brushed her teething buds (3 of them) and some more Milk, I found her closing her eyes at the boob and decided it was time to put her down 7pm PST or 10 pm EST. After CIO for a half an hr in which we stayed by the door just in case. She went to sleep. Fast forward 2 hrs I am ready to go to bed, I look upon my sleeping child and she is sleeping on her belly, so I move her face up and then she starts to cry again. I wait for a few minutes but decide to place her on the boob and in our bed because she was a good girl and I need the sleep! Fast forward to 4:15 am this morning and I wake up to pump before working. I place her in the crib and do what I need to do before work. She's crying by 5:30 AM. I need to go to work and hubby is care giver if she wakes up by this time. He let's her CIO for a few mintues and I go to work. I am told she slept for another 45 minutes and started the day happy. Which is all that counts to me.

Tonight is going to be the same. Hopefully I can keep her in her bed the whole night, baby steps. Though I am thinking about pumping one more time so I can keep up my supply. Her going to bed early is good but supply will tank.

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Sleep Training Day 2

I am trying to have my 6 month old sleep by herself in the crib right next to our bed. From about 3 weeks she usually spent one or two nights in our bed the rest of the time in the co-sleeper we had for her. Then I went to work and decided that it might be best to have her sleep with us because I exclusively breast feed her that it would be easy to "snack" in the middle of the night with out getting up. Three months down the road, my back and hips hurt, my baby is dependent on me to go to sleep and any time I try to move her to her crib (which we got at 5 months old) she start to fuss and I'd cave and move her back in bed. I'd wake up grumpy hurting from the previous night and am very tired.

So for Christmas my dad got me the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child / Your Fussy Baby and decided to start sleep training December 26th. I know its soon but what do I have to lose besides sleep and I'm almost to the point of sleeping in the living room anyway for my own sleep. My hubby snores and I also fear that will be the straw that makes me leave him for another room in the house if I can't get a decent night's sleep.

I know I am to read the book but since there is no audio book, I can't have it play while I work or have it play when I am surfing the net. I tried to get my hubby to read the book but he says it puts him to sleep. Its actually right next to me. I should be reading while I have a little time on my hands but there is a lot of things to do when she actually gets put down for the night.

I spy with my little eyes

I loved playing the eye spy game when I was little because I had so few friends. I felt like I was part of the action but wasn't getting to involved because the other kids didn't like that I was different then them. I was tall, had been put back a grade so I was that much taller than the kids in my class, felt akward that I didn't have the latest clothes and got pushed around a lot. So many things that people just called me names. I hated to be called Jolly Green Giant. And other tall jokes. I know kids can be mean but to me I didn't have anyone to vent to. Mom was drunk and put a good show when she was at the teacher's confrences.

I became what I spyed. A bully in Jr High. And people respected me the hard way. I learned in High School and actually got to appologize to some of the people that were scared of me.

Then one day I met an old bully from elemntary school. He remembered me from the school days and said he was sorry for treating me the way he did back then. I said don't feel or say sorry to me but say that to the people that I hurt because of what you did to me! I didn't keep in touch with him after that. I kinda wish I got at least his email address but what ya going to do now?

[AP]

a Letter to my mother

Dear Mom,

Let's see it's been two years since you passed away and a lot has happened. Got married and resently gave birth to a baby girl. I know you would be beaming at her and maybe you are from where ever you are right now.

Every day I keep wondering what I was like as a little baby in your arms when my baby hits a milestone. What age was I cooing? What age was I sitting up. Was I always up for the first few months or a sound sleeper even at 2 months?

Your grand child will never know our side of the family since it's so fragmented. The conversations with my Aunts are usually distant because of the distance you kept with them. They don't know the small things with me as you did. All of the big firsts you saw and recorded, but some left when you left this earth. Some times I think she is you, but she is her own person. Though I look at her and I can't help but wonder if any of our side peeked through. MIL has told me accounts of when my husband was little but I would think you have a bit to say about me as a baby too. Maybe too much information.

I ask my step dad how I was when I was little, but he doesn't remember much because he wasn't allowed at the time to be around me or he wasn't there because you as the sole provider didn't want any one around. Again I do not know about that time in my life. "I don't remember" is a montra that he keeps repeating and it hurts to hear but questions keep poping out when I am around since he is my sole source of information for that time period.

I hope that you are finally at peace and I'll write more latter.

[AP]

Big Brother Big Sisters and Friendship Stone

This is my first big promotion for a great company and a great organization!

Have you every given away a friendship bracelet or something small (or large) to a friend to remember you by? Do you have something like that in a keepsake box on your dresser and every time you look at the object it reminds you of that person and you are comforted by that thought and reminds you to get in contact with that person?

Well the people at Friendship Stone (Follow them on twitter @friendshipstone) have taken that to heart and teamed up with the Big Brothers Big Sisters to give a lucky person a set of necklaces that you can give to your best friend.

Please click the banner and you can enter today!

Why am I awake

Honestly, baby is a sleep next to me, hubby is drunk on the Quil (Niqul) because he is sick and I am looking at other peoples blogs and super jealous of what they have in regards to a home and a baby that sleeps in a crib. I wish I could have at least the house part but would love to have one night where my baby isn't at my boob and I could get some sleep. Some nights I want to turn over so I have to wake the little one to move and she doesn't go down right away! *FAIL*

Lefty v Righty

Talking about boobs for a second. In my few months of lactating for my little one, I have fought with them to produce more so they can keep up with the high demand of her needs. Each one is different in size and shape and output. I wish that they would be consistant with the out put each day is different and each hour is as different as the next.

I have also medicated them, well myself, with herbs and other wreid tasting teas. I am thinking about the health of my baby though and can live with out good tasting soda and beers. Though I have had some soda I have not yet had the PP taste of Guiness. I know for one pump I can but not wanting to be a snob I would rather have my baby have fresh off the tap then frozen right now.

In about a month or so I am faced with a decision that I have been putting off for the sake of my baby. Due to my depression (not the PPD but a harsher kind) I need to start taking my medication that would really be bad for baby. I put it off while I was pregnant because of the bad health risks that she could have devloped in the ute and I really wanted to boob feed because it helps with the development and I was boob fed. Kind of in a weird way returning a healthy life for my baby that my mother provided for me.

So the hard question is when do I stop for the health of my baby, in June or for my health in December? That is the question.

[AP]